So I'm always making these lesbian jokes and mentioning how hot other chicks are (well, not
that obnoxiously) and I got to thinking, what if I actually am a lesbian?
I mean, I like dudes (like ----- ----; he's so cyuute~ :3 ^w^ kawaii~~*~*~*~*) but I also think girls are attractive too.
Now, I know what you're thinking, I know. But I really, really hate the word bisexual.
I have friends who are bisexual and that's fucking awesome and everything, but to me, it's just not an acceptable description. It's sounds so restrictive to me, when it's ... not.
Why can't you like whoever you like? I wish gay people could be accepted and they could
marry whoever the fuck they wanted! And I'm cool with the idea of just liking whoever I want! But most of the time, bisexual to me just sounds kind of ... selfish. I don't think my bi friends are selfish at all, but I guess that's where I get hypocritical.
"Oh, you like guys and girls? That's cool!"
I never want to hear anyone say that to me, ever. And I've been battling this notion for a couple of months now, and it sucks that I'm so reluctant to accept, if there is anything to accept, because I would love for all people to be comfortable with their sexuality, especially the gay ones, because it is so tough nowadays. But of course, I secretly don't want to put myself through that.
I don't know...
I've had fantasies, but that doesn't mean anything, you know.
I just wish I could like whoever I want and just be happy with myself.
But of course, that's the whole point of this whole project.
---
It's not like it would happen
but sometimes I have ideas of things I would write if I committed suicide.
But I mean, yeah, I'm sad, but not sad enough? You can always be sad enough, but even though I can be pretty cynical, I don't think I am doing this because I actually want to kill myself.
I think I just like the morbid idea. But there are still so many things to do. And even if my hopes are still hazy, there is ice cream and science fiction and all the stuff a girl needs. Because really, if everyday difficulties were all that bad, everyone would have offer themselves by now and they haven't, so there must be something that's worth it.
I always tell myself I'm not afraid of death, but deep down, I probably am.
My mom keeps fucking nagging me about not spending time with her and in just like first of all: fuck you, lady. Like I wanna spend time with you when you're forcing me to. That is fucked up, fuck that. And I'm sixteen years old, okay? My main priority is not spending time with my mother, okay? It's just not. She always complains that I would rather spend time with my friends than with her, well that's because
it's fucking true. I love my mom and everything, but come the fuck on already. I don't mind being around her at all, but shut up with the god damned sob stories about never spending time with me or whatever. I'm sorry, I really am. Like, I don't want her to feel bad, but her
making me be around her really doesn't make me want to actually be around her. And it's just fucking great, because on top of already feeling bad, then I feel worse because I always have to talk down to myself in my head like nothing say or think is even remotely important or right. So I can't even complain without feeling bad because I am a stupid bitch who doesn't know anything. God fucking damn it. I just really don't like myself at all.
Hi. I'm Angelica. I like Pokémon and complaining. I'm a youngster, but I freak out like a 42-year-old mother. This is just me worrying about getting into college.